Learning how to keep going

On March 8, 2024, I got the worst news of my life. My father passed away.

I will never forget the moment I got the call. I was in the middle of cooking breakfast, watching my show, and enjoying my morning. My Abuelo called me, asking if I was at home and telling me that he was going to be on his way. I quickly knew something was wrong. I asked many times what was wrong but he was very hesitant. When the words “ Mi Reyna, tu papa fallecio " came out of my grandpa’s mouth, I dropped my phone and fell to the floor. Within a few days, I was packing a bag to head to Mexico — numb and confused, trying to process the fact that this was actually happening. Nothing ever prepared me for the day I would have to bury my father.

There I was, standing there, surrounded by my father’s estranged family, I felt how different my life would be. I felt how my life broke into two parts, before and after losing my father. Coming back home, I realized how I couldn't just pause my life. I still had to attend school, my job, and take care of responsibilities. Imagine sitting in a two hour Zoom lecture when all you want to do in crawl into bed and turn everything off.

I was two months shy of turning twenty two. I was planning my future, focusing on goals, my education, and personal growth. Grief doesn't fit neatly into that. Grief shows up for me on quiet days and even more in moments I wish I could share with him. Sometimes it makes me question my strength, but I quickly realize that it actually shows me how much strength I actually have.

I have learned that grief is not something you get over. It becomes a part of me as a reminder of love that will never go away. Losing my dad broke something in me, but it also built something new: empathy, resilience, and perspective.

Now, as I continue my journey in life, I carry him with me in every goal I chase and every situation I am faced with. Healing does not mean forgetting but it means learning to keep going, even when you're walking with a little more weight on your heart.

To my dad, I love and miss you more than I can express. Thank you for giving me the strength I need to keep going. Everything I do is to keep you proud of me.

If you are learning to live with loss while still trying to grow, you are not alone. You are stronger than you realize.